In this life, one thing counts
In the bank, large amounts
I'm afraid these don't grow on trees,
You’ve got to fiddle your expensys

You've got to claim a home or 2, boys,
You've got to claim a garlic press too

Large amounts don't grow on trees.
You've got to fiddle your expensys

Why should we break our backs
Stupidly paying tax?
Better get some untaxed income
Better to flip a home or 2

You've got to claim a home or 2, boys,
You've got to claim a duck house too

Large amounts don't grow on trees.
You've got to fiddle your expensys

Take a tip from Jacqui Smith
Her old man’s keen on filth
I recall, he started small
He had to rent a porno or two.

You've got to rent a porno or 2, boys,
You've got to claim a bathplug tooooooooooooooooooo

Brown nosing the way to a Climate Change Solution

The search is over. The report that police were searching for a bum sniffer has been called off after an exclusive photograph from the Copenhagen Climate Change Conference shows clearly that Gordon Brown was sniffing the wrong ass for for past few weeks in the Co-Op.

He was then inform by Ed Milblandward that he was in fact suppose to be in Co-penhagen.

Obama flies in to save the world - quick ! breathe now

After a week of absolutely no progress until Hilary Clinton deftly lifted the USA's wallet and began brandishing $100 Billion notes at the leaders of "developing" countries (like Zimbabwe, Chad etc) there seems to be a consensus developing that unless something is mudged up Barrack wouldn’t be coming to talk Bollocks in Copenhagen.


Gordon Brown chipped in with a shit load of money we don't have and an outrageous commitment to reduce 42% of co2 emissions alongside America's 4% and China's carrier bag full for every new 10 million births.

Well pretty soon there won’t be enough CO2 to feed the trees so I expect them to go on strike soon ably supported by the Unite union. Gordon will then announce a Breath Tax on the British (well just the English actually) that will only apply to the white middle classes. In fact I fully expect to be holding my breath for up to 4 hours a day so that the asylum seekers, unemployed, developing countries and Scots can breathe my taxed air

Nanny McGinge I presume

 

So Sir Liam Donaldson - Chief Nanny says its dangerous for children to drink. Christ he must be a very clever Doctor to have found that out.

He went on about a middle class obsession with giving kids watered down wine. What a twot I have never know anyone to bother watering it down. Funny how he didnt mention the fucking chavs who let their kids drink strong cider and smoke those cheap fags. Mind you he did get smoking banned in pubs and guess what? People smoke and drink outside pubs where children can learn by example. Oh and 39 pubs a week are closing now as they go out of business. Well done nanny.

This is the twot that said Swine Flu could kill 65,000 people this winter. I dont think he has been near a petri dish or stethoscope for 15 years although he has been up Tony Blair and Gordon Browns arses

Anyway New Labour gave him his job 12 years ago and now they are going he is "retiring" . To the house of Lords no doubt where he can wipe some arses just before he licks them. A better use for him would for to donate all his organs to science for research into Ginger Nanny Syndrome

What Global Warming ?

Its amazing to think that while I am freezing my bollocks off in London, the world is heating up in a frenzy of Climate Change Claustophobia. The collective hysteria alone is producing enough hot air to suffocate us all. Are we to believe that within a few years we will be gasping for breath while living underwater in sulphuric oceans full of African babies? As we all know the recent scientific facts that sent the world into a panic and cost a fortune were bollocks

1. Avian Flu (SARS) will kill everyone.
2. Swine Flue will kill everyone.
3. The Y2K bug will shut down the entire world.

Its been fucking freezing this week here. We have had 3 consecutively shit summers and rain rain rain.

So now the so called developing countries are just not playing the game when it comes to climate change are they? They want the developed world to pay them to help them with climate change issues. Why?

3 simple rules that are free

Stop having more and more and more children - have'nt they heard of Phophylactics?
Dont pollute and destroy your environment.
Educate your women - They will lead you to the promised land.

Personally speaking and I think also for many of the long suffering English, global warming would be a superb thing so please stop interfering and especially stop trying to make us pay to stop something we want.

3 Easy Government legislations to make a kinder environment and community.

Ban ALL junk mail - I get more paper through my door everyweek that I produce in waste.

Introduce 100% electric or alternative fuel cars within 7 years.

Cap UK population at 70 Million (probably means 2 m have to go even now!!)

It really is rather obvious globally that as resources diminish and population growth continues unabated we will run out of everything. Stop trying to blame the whole thing on man made climate change just stop making more men (and even less women to make them)

Vote with your feet!!! or statues

Now here is a new way of expressing your appreciation when your MP comes round to your gaffe asking if you will vote for them at the next election. PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. Its a marvellous way of letting them know how much you appreciate them fiddling , stealing and lying their way through Parliament. It may give them the impressiion that you might want them to represent your view.

So before they can kiss your baby or cosy up to your garden gnomes PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE

Bingo wants to replace the boiler!!!!

So Alastair "Bingo" Darling wants to replace the boiler we can only assume is Harperson.

Todays PMQ'a and the subsequent PBR confirmed that no standing MP should be re-elected perhaps with the exception of George Osborne, Vince, Kate Hoey and the Beast of Bolsover. None of this was about us poor fuckers it was about THEM which goes to prove that they are so out of touch except by a nodding aquiantance with

devil dogs
chav behaviour (bingo)
police lethargy
unbridled immigration
public sector waste, corruption and non jobsworthiness

Cyclops looked happy when Darling was delivering his edits but gutted when Georgie boy rebutted. Harpie in her grannies dressing gown nodded as if she knew what the fuck was going on. Dave blew his chance by not being ARD enuf. Teresa May looked like she had been smoking skunk all night and the speaker got himself in camera pretending to be neutral more often than his wife in her miniskirt when pissed.

A disgrace. Guy Fawkes is needed now more than ever to blow this lot to smithereens!!!!

GLOBAL WARNING !!!!!!!!!

When Gordon "Jonah" Brown warned about 55 days ago that we had 60 days to save the planet was he giving a pre-warning that the fact that he was attending the Copenhagen Summit would almost certainly hammer the final nail in the coffin for the planet Earth. Everything else cyclops touchs (rubbed his eye) turns to shit.

No more boom and bust !!! - No just bust
Visits the David Beckham Football Academy -- now closing down
Visits the troops in Afghanistan - British deaths increase
Backs Blair for EU Presidency - nosedives
Brown meets Obama - Popularity plunges


Copenhagen should get a sniper at the airport to prevent McTwat ever reaching the conference.

Vote Shally B. Sheesh free an eashy

Well the latest Brown Babe has been expounding on class just after her little confessional. She would know all about it. A member of the Conservative Association at Oxford then turned to Labour when she sobered up and found she had shagged em all.

She is a babe though, but I dont think she would want to be known as a Brown Babe (sounds like she's lucky she hasnt got one of those) Maybe she should be aligning herself with the next leader.

Burnhams Babe
Harriets Harlot
Milibands Maiden
Postie's Partygirl

If she was standing in my constituency I would go to her wine and cheese party for sure and tell her that of course I was going to vote for her while topping her drink up. She wouldnt remember the next day anyway. Oh I forgot she's dry (as in doesnt drink anymore!!)

Get me in there im a Failure !!

So the ambitious dead ducks are aligning themselves for the leadership contest. Lets look at their credentials.

Andy Burnham - The Health Secretary - NHS is Rubbish, Killing more than healing

Ed Balls - State Ejukashun is Rubbish. Illiteracy up! - Also looks mad.

Alan Johnson - Can an ex-postie union man that extradites citzens for computer games win?

Harriet Harman - Never had a proper job, hypocite and would kill all men.

Milliblandward - Can we vote for these 2 if Hilary has a 3 some with them - yes!
Dave - Keeps letting pirates get fed and released instead of keel hauling them
Ed - Emits more CO2 than he reduces

Well lets see what who they decide to install. I think a cage fight would be a better way to decide on the next leader from this lot but then Harperson would probably just squeek it after debagging Postman Pat